Circling the drain January 24th, 2010
Everything is a mess. A shambles.
Everything I’ve ever accomplished adds up to nothing. All that I touch turns to ash. There is no future in a world where the rules are unpredictable, where people’s decisions and actions abide by no algorithm.
We’re all faking it, trying to make sense of chaos viewed through a tiny window. I spend so much time and effort arranging and classifying, only to step outside and realize I’ve seen only a minuscule fraction of the tempest. Nobody is a person. No person is alive.
I’ve explored so much, looking for meaning, even at times for happiness. Those things exist but only as noise. There is no signal. I have fully come to comprehend the questions I’ve been facing. Unfortunately, I do not like the answers. I had hoped for better.
I’ve been a part of my life for about three decades now, and empirically have found the experience to be highly overrated and unseemly. I don’t want to do it anymore.
